Dad Logic -VS- Daughter Emotion: Round 1

Last night Big Sis came downstairs asking about a surgery to correct her “lazy eye.” This was a rather confusing question as Big Sis doesn’t have a lazy eye. After much discussion it was determined that she meant that one eyelid did not open quite as full as the other. According to her, there is a grotesque discrepancy between how far each naturally opens. I’m not convinced there is a difference. My opinion, though, doesn’t matter. For Big Sis, this was a big issue. She didn’t want to go to school because of how she perceives herself.

These are the issues that are difficult for a father to instinctively tackle. I initially thought her concern was ridiculous. She wanted to have corrective surgery, which would be expensive and unnecessary. Or, she didn’t want to go to school. There is less than a month of school. Why is this such a big deal now? I didn’t even want to dignify her concern with a discussion. I wanted to bowl right over the problem with my solution. “Don’t be ridiculous, there is nothing wrong with your eye, we’re not going to get any surgery, and you’re going to school.” I’m a guy. This seems like a logical solution to me.

Big Sis, is not a grown up, nor is she a guy. As insane as her concern might seem to me, it is a very real concern to her. Every television show, every magazine, even much of today’s music is focused on physical perfection. Big Sis has spent the entirety of her life inundated by extremely high expectations. Now, she is growing into her adult body and if it doesn’t quite shape into what the media has told her is expected then there must be something seriously wrong—freakish even.

Unfortunately, I reacted with logic and bowled over the problem. Fortunately, Mom was there and found a great way around the topic. Mom got her to focus on something that could be fixed. They turned to eyebrows. Mom plucked Big Sis’s and Big Sis was happy, she was even looking forward to school today.

Dads everywhere, put away your logic. You can’t fix her concern with logic. You can only let her vent her concern and affirm her sense of worth by letting her know her opinions account. We may not understand why a millimeter difference between one eyelid and another is so important in the scheme of the universe or why it merits dropping out of school, but we can learn to see that the fears and concerns are real. Don’t dismiss them, it only sends another negative message, “Your concerns aren’t important.”

I dropped the ball last night. But, I have a feeling I’ll get another chance. I’m sure the issue of the eyelid is not resolved and next time I’ll be ready.